Teach Me How To Kiss
by rev lady mal
Summary: America responds to an ad on Craigslist from an individual asking for help in developing a particular skill. Unfortunately, he’s not the only one. Characters: America, France, Greece, Japan


America read over the text message one more time, checking the number of the building he stood in front of to make sure he was at the right place. He grinned, put the phone in his pocket and opened the door. He would never admit to anyone that he read Craigslist, much less reply to an ad from the website. Too many stories of people being ripped off or even getting hurt circulated to the point of becoming urban legend kept him wary of answering an ad; this one however was different and he couldn't resist. He grinned thinking about the advertisement even now as he thought about the unique task he had been charged with completing. The request was perfect for him, after all wasn't he the go-to guy when someone needed help? America checked his reflection in the glass of the door and grinned at himself, then walked into the building in search of the elevator.

Humming a happy tune, America rounded a corner following a sign pointing toward the direction of the elevator, but stopped short when he saw a very familiar face standing in front of the elevator doors. He blinked, squinted through his glasses, stared, and then slowly walked up to him … "France?"

The other country at that moment just finished spritzing his mouth with a small can of Binaca, which he then slipped into the breast pocket of his tastefully tailored blazer. Turning at the sound of America's voice he smiled and replied, "Bonjour America, what brings you here on such a fine afternoon?"

"Hey France, just have a little business, how about you?"

"I also have business here this morning, what a coincidence, non?"

"No," America said.

France gave him a curious look.

"I mean yeah, it is a coincidence." He added, slightly embarrassed. "So, what business are you here for?" The elevator door opened and France stepped inside. America followed and stood next to him.

"What floor?" France asked.

"Oh, fifth please. Thanks."

"Another interesting coincidence, that is my floor as well" France smiled as he pushed the button with a number '5' on it, the car began to lift them up. "And to answer your question, my business is of a personal nature."

America, gave France a quizzical look. "Really? That's so odd, because my business is personal too."

France glanced sideways at him, "Now that is too much of a coincidence. I am meeting someone here after responding to an advertisement I saw on the Internet."

America began to get a creepy feeling; he glanced sideways at France, blushing slightly. "Ah … it didn't happen to be an ad on Craigslist did it?"

France chuckled softly, "America, I am embarrassed to admit it is in fact an ad on Craigslist that brings me here."

America's mouth opened in surprise. "… Not 'Teach Me How To Kiss'?"

The casual smile France usually wore faded from his face. "Oui, that is the ad."

The two countries stared at each other in awkward silence then both burst out laughing. The elevator doors opened on the 5th floor and they both walked out to see a large sign with the name of a cocktail lounge and an arrow pointing to the left.

When America saw France turn and head in that direction, he began to feel more than annoyed. "You're kidding right? You're answering the same Craigslist ad?"

"Why would I kid America? The ad appealed to me, besides I am perfect for the task they want performed." France replied; he stopped walking and turned to look at America, puzzled by his question. "I would think it's obvious which of us is best suited for this."

"What do you mean by that?" America asked, frowning slightly. "This is perfect for me, this person needs help, and everyone knows when help is needed I'm the right guy for the job." He jabbed his thumb at his chest for emphasis.

France laughed softly, waving his hand, "Oh please America, this is too comical. So are you doing it for the money, or perhaps for the offer of having your homework done? Although I must remind you the ad specified no jailbait need apply."

"Ha. Ha. I also remember the ad saying no geriatrics either." America retorted, making no effort to hide his growing agitation.

France scoffed at him, "Now that was below the belt. Hope you didn't eat any of those disgusting insults to food you love so much before coming here, because the ad also said no bad breath. I know how you like onions on your … ugh … hamburgers."

As they argued they both walked faster toward the doorway of the cocktail lounge. America had become so angry his face was red. "Hey, there is nothing wrong with the food I eat! At least I don't eat snails! Now that is just sick!"

"America you uncultured swine, it's escargot, a delicacy!" Anger clearly showing on France's face; "Now go home, this is a job for a man, not an inexperienced boy!" He walked into the entrance of the cocktail lounge, glancing over the tables until he saw a table next to a window, and the lone figure sitting there watching the door. Their head dropped to look at the table from obvious shyness when they saw the two countries enter the lounge.

"Like hell I will!" America shouted, ignoring the stares from the disturbance he caused. "I was told to come here and I'm staying! Besides, the ad also said no one with open sores from diseases!" America glared at him, balling his hands into fists.

France waved both of his hands at him and rolled his eyes. "Oh! How dare you bring that up! Those rumors are not true!" He reached over and shoved America's shoulder. "Now excuse me!" He straightened his tie and began to walk to the table.

"Oh no you don't!" America growled, grabbing France by his collar and pulling him back. "I'm answering this ad, not you!" He straightened his glasses and began to walk forward, only to feel a hand on his shoulder and get spun around, he saw France's angry face and his fist going back to punch him.

"Oh fine, this is how you want to settle this?" America shouted, his own fists up and ready to deal France the same. The two countries stared at each other, waiting for the other to deal the first blow.

"Excuse me." A voice said from behind them. Without looking they stepped out of the way, still glaring at each other and waiting for the other to start the fight when a figure with a familiar face walked by them and headed into the lounge. France and America both turned their heads and looked when they realized the person passing them by was someone they knew. When they realized who it was, they stared at him asked at the same time, "… Greece?"

The country stopped and looked back at them. "Geiá France, America. What brings you here today?"

France and America looked at each other and dropped their fists. They faced Greece and began talking at once.

"…Taking care of a little personal business … "

"…thought I would come and help …"

"…nice day for it … "

Greece glanced at them while they talked, only half paying attention as he looked over the tables in the room. His eyes stopped and he held up his hand to them to interrupt. "Excuse me, but I am here to meet someone and I just found them. Good day to you." And with that, he turned and walked up to the very same table that was originally America and France's destination.

"Merde." France muttered, a disgusted look on his face.

"No way." America said, mouth gaping stupidly as Greece approached the individual at the table.

"Are you 'Teach Me How To Kiss'?" Greece asked.

Japan looked up at him, and then quickly dropped his gaze back to the table. His blush was obvious. "Hai." His hand came out of his pocket and put down the money promised as payment.

Greece took the hand that dropped the money and used it to guide Japan out of his seat. He smiled down at the shorter country, cupped his chin with his free hand and planted a soft kiss on his lips. France and America could only stare, as Japan's eyes grew wider, blush grew deeper and full panic set in. He suddenly broke the kiss with Greece, stumbled back a bit and stared at him wide eyed with shock, wiping the kiss from his lips with the back of his hand. Then, without another word he ran out of the cocktail lounge as fast he could not even looking back.

Greece watched Japan run out of the cocktail lounge, a curiously soft smile on his lips. His gaze soon landed on France and America still standing near the entrance and he approached them after reaching down and taking the money off the table, folding it and stuffing it in his pocket.

"It seems my business for today has concluded. Would care to join me for a drink?"

France and America looked at each other, then back at Greece.

"I would be charmed to join you for a cocktail." France replied.

"Sure, I'll have a drink with ya Greece." America grinned.

The three countries walked back into the lounge and sat down at the table Japan had just vacated, Greece signaled to a server to come over and take their orders.

"So, do you often answer Craiglist ads?" America asked Greece once their drinks were on the table

The other country shrugged. "Not usually, but that one made me curious and I just couldn't help myself. Plus I had a pretty good idea who it was."

France smiled over his glass of wine. "You took a big risk, there are stories about the dangers of answering ads from the Internet."

"Even if the job seems perfect for you." America smirked at France.

* * *

Real life is stranger than fiction, and in this case one lends itself well to the other. When I read this ad on A HREF=".""best of Craigslist"/A the first thing that popped into my head after laughing was how much it sounded like something Japan would post. Not saying Japan would ever post and ad on Craigslist …


End file.
